today was a nice day.

i wore my yellow shoes so that kids at school could sign them, even though i’m really only going to have about, four people sign them probably.

in spanish class today i had weezah boy and another boy sign them. it was funny because i was sitting in my desk, and they were sitting indian style in front of me, both with a foot in their lap writing on my shoe.

“tina is the queen of sole” is what weezah boy wrote on the side of the shoe under his name. (nice pun, yes?)

 i can’t wait for summer at all. i want to listen to loud music and lounge around and hopefully i’ll have some people to hang out with. but even if i don’t i think i’ll have a nice time. inbetween the fun i will be working.

speaking of work, a girl walked out in the middle of her shift last night. that’s the third person who has walked out since last summer. isn’t that nice and smart.

i graduate high school in nineteen days. NINETEEN DAYS. the only reason it’s kind of sad and depressing is because going to school with the same assholes has been part of my routine for so long. oh i just called my graduating class “assholes.”

i am user friendly.

they are not all asses, of course.

but most of my friends are younger than me. in different classes.

i show up to school late because i dont want to get there early and not have anywhere to go, anyone to stand with.

what is funny, is that whenever i hear my composition teacher repeatedly compliment this one girl on her writing, i get very jealous. and it’s funny because i’ve given up. and i have no reason to be jealous because i never really write creatively. just crap-like rambly-like.

also i like to use words that are not really words.

today i am wearing my ‘aim high’ air force shirt that is older than me. once the a was covered by my hair or arm or something, and this girl thought my shirt said, “im high”

and that was hilarious, because really.

tomorrow is my detention. it’s not really punishment because i should have an hour out of my day where i HAVE to have something to work on, more often. otherwise i never do my work because i have more interesting things to do like write uninteresting things.

!

it’s hard as heck just being me.

hello fanclub.

last night i was reading catch-22 and i glanced up at the title at the top of the page i was reading, and a for a second it looked like it said crotch-22.

last night my father also made me a bit angry by getting on to me about having after school detention this week. because of all things i could have done, i’m late to class four times. and i have to hear crap for it. really. i just think it’s silly. however it’s not like i’m in trouble for it anyway. i guess i just expect my parents to shrug these things off. they are kind of shrugging off my failing grade in advanced math. and that is nice because i’m not even really trying to raise it.

i am filled to the top with sweet ambition.

i can’t wait until summer. i plan to have a lot of fun, and make a lot of money. hopefully i will have fun. that is all i really want is to have fun and be very happy. and hopefully college will be great, because i am really looking forward to it. and if it sucks like high school then i’m going to be very upset and let down.

there is this one man who comes into kfc every once in awhile and none of us like him (this is excluding a man in town who wanders aimlessly place to place who everyone knows and hates). anyway, this man is a pervert and he tries to joke around and be funny but he’s really just an idiot. and i am really mean to him. i shouldn’t be, because i’m supposed to act very cheerful to customers, but i just can’t help it. sometimes you just get around those people who irritate you by the simple fact that they are THERE.

anyway, i think i smile too much at work. and it’s so phony, that it makes me laugh, which in itself produces a smile.

i am an idiot. and i am typing in here when i really really really really need to be typing up a paper describing my generation, using three to four broad areas such as, pop culture, current and past events, social movements etc.

THIS SUCKS.

i have fourteen days of school left. and all together there are twenty one days until i will be a high school graduate with a diploma.

i wonder how much it would cost to have those graduation rappers from ghost world? that would be HILARIOUS.

i think i should be nude underneath my gown.

this morning i woke up and could not find my glasses. usually i place them beside my alarm clock when i go to sleep, but they were not there, and they weren’t in my bed. i thought maybe i hadn’t taken them off but just slept in them (because i do that a lot when i fall asleep watching tv), and they had fallen off or something. my eye glasses were nowhere to be found. i was getting kind of upset because i don’t like wearing my contacts very often. and i can’t just go without my glasses because then i wouldn’t be able to see anything–i can’t drive without my glasses, it’s a restriction on my license, even.

however, i found them before i had to leave, UNDER MY BED.

this happened when i first got my braces off and got a retainer. i woke up the next day and my retainer was missing. i found it later under my bed. how interesting, no?

it’s funny how it’s been about two years since i got my braces off and sometimes people will see me and be like, “oh you got your braces off!” even though they’ve seen me plenty after getting them off.

i have been assigned and eighth hour at school–aka after school detention. because i am often tardy to my first hour class. this is the first one i’ve ever gotten. this year is full of firsts. first failed class, first detention, alright! pretty soon i’ll be in all day detention!

for the past two days, weezah boy was in detention AGAIN. but this reason is funnier than him skipping advisery hour. one of his teachers said something about a guy being a cross dresser, and weezah boy said, “aaah, family reunion.” and the teacher was upset. i am not so sure my telling of the story makes any sense whatsoever but if it does, ISN’T THAT HILARIOUS.

yes. it is hilarious.

last night at work it was one of the worst nights EVER. just because.

the end.

sometimes when i am bored i will look in my old notebooks and see what was happening a year ago today–a year ago today i was three notebooks behind. (i didn’t realize i used four notebooks in one year). that is great.

a year ago in my old online diary i wrote:

last night i saw bob dylan.

LIVE AND IN PERSON.

you are jealous.

so jealous it hurts.

and you should be.

on the 28th, it will make it one year since i got my car. so i’ve pretty much had my car for one year and i’ve never washed it. that is funny.

i have been an internet nerd for a very long time. i started my first online diarything on september 24, 1999.

it starts out with, “howdy stranger.”

oh man,

“oh yes, i must say, i’m in 10th grade, and i’m 15″ holy shit, FIFTEEN FEELS LIKE A LONG TIME AGO.

now, i have changed a lot since then. it is EMBARRASSING to read these old things because they are so melodramatic and cheesy. it’s funny how now i’m older but more apathetic and probably more immature.

i have tried so many times to explain this odd feeling i have–of apathy, of feeling like everything is silly, of laziness–i dont really know WHAT it is. i wish i did though because lately it is really getting on my nerves and i bet if i could just yell it out (or type it and let people secretly laugh at it) i’d feel somewhat better–

i use “–” a lot when i write, in here and on paper.

i can’t believe i write so much nonsense. no wonder i use more notebooks up than i thought.

i am bored. here are extremely meaningless things about me and other stuff.

 today i rocked and rolled in my room and worked up a sweat. all while wearing my old man pants.

 i know all the words to “loser” by beck.

 for the last couple of days all i have written about in my notebook is DAYDREAMS. and cleaning my room.

sometimes i feel like i am better than others. but most of the time i think i do not stand a chance against anything.

 i have mood swings. (duh)

 my parental units do not know about my navel piercing STILL. i am not sure how i’m going to tell them. i think next time i go out i will come home and be like, “oh look what i did” and lift up my shirt.

 i hate making decisions but i hate being wishy washy so sometimes i come off as bossy. maybe i am bossy. i don’t know.

 i am very sure about myself.

 that was sarcasm.

 i wish my mother had taught me to speak japanese.

 sometimes i mix my r’s and l’s up. but i don’t think that is because my mother does. i think it’s because i cannot talk. (ramen in my house is actually called ‘lamen’, however rice is not called lice. my mom likes to say, “it’s croudy outside today”)

 i am downloading songs by and you will know us by the trail of dead tonight.

 i am wearing a pink and orange striped tank top. i used to really like tank tops. i think this year i will bring the tank top fashions back into my wardrobe.

how erotic.

 my pottery teacher is mean and makes me feel dumb, sometimes, like today. most likely i will fail that class and math class.

 i used to be very angsty. now i am just apathetic.

 today during my piano lesson i kept messing the same things up. so i said, “at least i am consistent” and my teacher thought that was funny. oh i am comedic. giggle giggle.

 my recital is may 11, you are all invited. those things are so boring. this will be my last one ever. MY SIXTH AND FINAL RECITAL. it is kind of sad that so many things are ending when i go to college.

 it’s weird thinking that the people who i like most at school, who i actually talk to sometimes (a few), will probably not be a part of my life much after graduation. it’s kind of sad because i really like these kids. oh well.

 i have been online all night because I AM SO LAZY TODAY. IT IS SICK.

 i have a purple beaded bracelet with asian writing on it that my mother found under her table at some kind of craft fair. it is nice.

 i like cheap jewelry. expensive jewelry just isn’t very appealing.

 but my class ring cost over $300. which is dumb but at least i wear it all the time.

today i was interviewed for this reading award dumb thing. i was supposed to be interviewed yesterday but when i showed up at my given time, no one was there! I HATE THAT. i felt very dumb. like an idiot, to be precise. sometimes i feel as if teachers think i am the biggest moron ever.

 i am glad my parents are not too conservative. however i think they worry about me too much. much more than they worried about my sisters, but compared to my sisters i am a pure ANGEL. really i have only done a few bad things. that i hope they do not know about.

 like once, about two years ago i got drunk while they were not home. and that is the only time i have been drunk. and i have had boys over while they were not here but really, that was nothing.  

today my sister asked me if i needed anything else for college. i don’t know what i need–a lot probably. i told her, “just small things i guess.” and she replied, “that leaves things wide open. i will get you condoms (the glow in the dark kind), leg warmers, and preparation h.”

 and really kids, that was funny.

 i think tomorrow will mark it one year since the first time i saw bob dylan! i could be wrong though. i am wrong about a lot of things.

 i ramble SO MUCH. it’s not even entertaining anymore.

 but that is okay. i really like it when i am ‘talkative’ (”writative”). yes of course i make sense. even if it’s all crap i still like the feeling.

 the cramps are an amusing band. i only know two of their songs, actually. it is like, rockabilly punk music. speaking of rockabilly, the stray cats are great. and i have always liked them for as long as i can remember liking certain bands.

 that is nice for you to know, of course.

 i’ve always thought it would be fun to get a friend or two, a bunch of books, and just sit in a comfortable room for awhile and read to ourselves.

 maybe i am boring but that would be neat.

 yes, yes i am boring. and it’s a-okay!

the first thing the girl who sits behind me in spanish class said to me about prom today was, “weezah boy’s date reminded me so much of you, tina!” and i pretended i was offended. and she told me she also told him, “i like her! she reminds me of tina!” i was not sure what to think about that, because really. she didn’t actually call him weezah boy, however.

today i feel dumb. i feel like i have zero intellect and that everyone i come in contact with is severely annoyed at me. i do not know why i believe this because i am not sure if i have a valid reason to. oh i am not self conscious at all.

i like to pretend that i am not self conscious (also i am not sure if that is spelled correctly), because i think it is silly of me. and i am embarrassed. but i am self conscious about dumb things sometimes. i am not that concerned with whether or not my clothes match or if my hair is placed just right. but i still feel worried anyway. i don’t know. sometimes i feel like people are laughing and pointing at me, when they really are not. insecurity!

i just feel negative lately–on and off. i have too much time to think about things. i can’t imagine what it would be like if i didn’t have a job.

last night in my actual paper notebook i wrote this page long sappy day dream like scenerio which was really nice and girly and ended it abruptly with, “in other news today i cleaned my room and now i can see the carpet!” (that was all one sentence)

oh man, today i got my jack kerouac parody paper back, graded. my teacher loved it which felt SO GREAT. if i am ever a good writer it’s going to be something like kerouac’s style because that is the only way i can talk. it’s going to be one of those things that most people dont get and some (cool) people think is great.

here is a link to my finished parody product it is really short. here is the comment my teacher wrote about it:

“Tina this parody is wonderful! You have internalized Kerouac’s style and used it as your own! Good work.”

what is even better about that is that i spent maybe one hour total to write the entire thing, i think. if over an hour, then not much.

things like this make me happy very easily. i like compliments which for some reason is embarrassing to admit. sometimes i do not understand myself.

today i used proper capitalization.

i feel like using an emoticon:

)

check out my mood swings. they are attractive.

I DONT HAVE TO BE AT SCHOOL UNTIL 9:40AM TOMORROW. AND THE DAY AFTER AND THE DAY AFTER. AND THREE DAYS NEXT WEEK TOO. SCORE.

what is so funny is the following:

the other day i was sitting at a stop light waiting to turn left to my house (believe me this is so important to the moral of the story), and while i’m waiting this white jeep turns and drives by my car. of course i stare at the driver because, why not? and he had a huge mega mullet. and it was one of those frizzy awful mullets. and the first thing i thought of was that mullet man, in ghost world. the one who was so hungry he could eat the crotch out of a ragdoll! i thought that was a deeply intelligent thought that needed to be shared.

also this 30-something EXTREMELY annoying man that works with me on sundays reminds me of that guy also but i am not sure why. maybe because he’s just dumb. and gross.

ALSO, saturday at the mall i saw this kid with a mullet. and i mean, it was a mega mullet.

for some reason today, while i was walking in the wal mart parking lot i was thinking some random thoughts.

which i do a lot and is probably annoying to many people when i just blurt them out.

and i thought, “i might end up to be one of those old ladies who never marries and goes out to lunch by herself all the time. to all you can eat buffets.”

i am not really sure why i thought of that but it was one of my thoughts today. and man that is the ONLY one of those i’m telling about because the others are more embarrassing than THAT.

i dont know what my deal is lately but i’m thinking up some crazy scenerios and such. this diarything hasn’t seen the HALF of it.

three entries in one day. and that my friends is why i am so cool, and obviously a heart throb to millions of teenaged boys.

yesterday was a nice day.

i woke up early though. my alarm was set for 8:00am because my mom was going to take me to get a shot (an mmr shot, i guess we missed my getting a second one somehow years ago). i ended up going with my father because she had to go to this craft fair thing.

i wore my surgical services shirt to the physician’s. isn’t that great? my father said, “how appropriate.” and then i giggled. (i giggle a LOT)

giggle is a funny word.

so i got a shot. and it hurt. because i am a baby but it could have been worse. like, multiple shots. it was a little upsetting that i did not get a pretty band aid, but a plain one. i removed it when i got home. i should have put a pokemon one over it because, really. POKEMON RULES. seriously i think pokemon is neat.

so after i went to the doctor i drove to columbia. i have a little bit of a problem, and it involves driving over the speed limit. i got there in less than an hour. i dont like driving over the river. bridges are scary. it makes me say, “shit” a few times and it makes me drive with my hands over the proper places on the steering wheel.

so at the mall i went to barnes and noble where i was to meet ty! and i was looking around for about 15 minutes. i was mostly hanging out in one corner of the store so right when i went into a more central location, i was looking at books that i didn’t really have much of an interest in, when i turned to my right and he was right there and i might have said, “hey” i dont know. that is a long sentence. it was just odd, because what do you say to someone you already know…but don’t? i mean it was just the same the first time i met maurine ‘in person’. we didn’t talk a WHOLE lot. i didn’t think i would feel so shy but i always am even when i plan not to. you can’t really plan those things anyway. i mean, really. however i could have been ten times more shy.

i ramble a lot.

anyway it was just a fun day. ty gets a thumbs up for being a cool kid. at this thrift shop, there was this small group of girls there, and one of them said to her friends, “do you know how unpopular i am?” and then she started talking about contacts on her cell phone and how many minutes she uses or something–i dont know. but man, she is so unpopular. it was really funny and i wanted to laugh and point but instead i just held in my urge to do so.

also there was this man on the corner with long hair and a clip board asking people if they are registered to vote in the state of missouri. and he asked us and we just kind of looked at him for a few seconds. and i said, “i’m only sixteen.” even though i am 18. how is that for problem solving?

also we saw a lady trip over a curb.

and a man playing music on the street!

i didn’t spend a whole lot of money yesterday. i bought beck’s mellow gold album (how long have i wanted to own that? like six years? yes.)

i use the word “like” too much but i can’t help it.

i also bought these great lights! at target for 10 dollars. right after i bought them i was thinking, “why did i spend ten dollars on some lights? WHY.” but they are the coolest lights EVER! it is a plastic flexible tube thing with small multicolored lights in it, and you can control what you want them to do by pressing a button. i will hang them up in my room later. i have a lot of things to hang up in my room. i plan on taking down a lot of pictures that i dont even really like anymore because i put them up over two years ago. i have a lot of better things to put on my wall like postcards, better magazine clippings, and a lot of photobooth pictures. i think everytime i go to a mall i HAVE to take pictures in one. it’s just one of those things.

like everytime you go taco bell you just HAVE to take one of those free mints next to the register. (at least the taco bell in my town usually has them).

and everytime i go to my dad’s work i just have to ask for a quarter (if i dont have one, i tend to have massive amounts of change in my pockets) and use a quarter machine next to his front counter and get some mike and ike [?] (is that what they are called) chewy candies because THOSE ARE SO GOOD. or sometimes some reese’s pieces.

today i had this conversation:

“guess what i am doing,” i said.

“what?” said my parents.

“cleaning my room!” i said.

“oh my goodness it’s going to snow,” said my mother.

that was great. i found a lot of junk my room. also i put seven pairs of shoes in a pile on my floor (my seven most often worn shoes, man i have a lot of shoes) and took a picture. what is so funny about me having so many shoes is that none of them are very fashionable. that is not really very funny but it was for a second in my head.

is it just me or do i sometimes TALK TOO MUCH about CRAP.

you know your day is going to go super swell when you are laying in bed and the electricity goes out.

so you get ready for school without any electricity. also it’s even better when it is raining and hailing really really hard.

and you remember that you never rolled your window up the day before.

yes kids, that really is a great great pasttime of mine.

i sat on two towels to drive to school. and the inside of my car was pretty dirty so my hands were gross and my pants got dirty and my arms. yes.

after school i sat in my car and it was HUMID times infinity, and my glasses fogged up. and now my car smells really bad.

tonight at work we were super busy for three hours nonstop. i clocked in at 4:58 and clocked out at 10:58.

there is another boy at school that i talk to a lot but have never given a name to in here. i will call him nin boy because he is the one who said i should be in a band with him and we could cover nine inch nails song.

so today nin boy was telling me about how he does not like weezah boy. which was funny. nin boy is a computer nerd who skates and also he sometimes hangs out with pretty boy numbers one and two and i have known him for over two years, but only from school. sometimes i think he is a big poser but who am i to say things like that. he is a cool kid. and he doesn’t think i am strange when i say the dumb things that i do.

so let’s pretend i didn’t write that because obviously it makes no sense. and he is really just someone at school who i actually talk to. i guess i am just bored and want something to write about.

tomorrow i have to go to the hospital or clinic or something and get a shot that i think i was supposed to get awhile ago. it’s required to enter college. i’m supposed to have two shots and i only have one. hooray, a fun shot.

also tomorrow i will be going to columbia and hopefully meeting ty. which should be very neat.

i really need someone to pop my back and i have been needing this for about a week. if you have any ideas about how i can pop my back nicely, please let me know.

also on monday morning i will be interviewing for some reading award at my school. students who read a lot on their own are nominated for this award. i was nominated last year too but did not win. i dont even know what the prize it. it’s probably a piece of paper and a book.

i think for the last week of school i’m going to buy a composition notebook, and write on the cover “trendy signature book” and have people sign it and i will say, “no generic messages please.” and then i will get 923847 generic messages. if i do that probably only like, five pages will be used. one signature on each page because i am so popular.

actually i probably wont do that. i’m also wondering if i should even go to the senior things–like project grad and the senior picnic. because really, what would i do there? stand around and feel dumb, that is what.

so i think my weekend should be nice, in other news.