today i saw pretty boy number one at an intersection and i ended up driving behind him. that was nice and i was like, “ooooh baby” because i’m pathetic like that. but you kids really just need to look at him and you will realize that this stupid stupid stupid crush i have on him makes sense.

i’ve always wanted to take up skateboarding. maybe because when i was younger i used to play on my sister’s all the time. i don’t know. nin boy is a skater boy (who is friends with skaterboyprettyboynumberone) and the other night he tried to convince me to take up the hobby and dude, i don’t know.

dude.

i am really shy and sometimes it is the most horrible thing ever to be known to humankind. i absolutely hate it. it is what i hate most about myself, almost.

i probably chose the worst time in my life to be boy crazy. i am an eighteen year old 7th grader at heart who very rarely socializes. but what’s so funny about being boy crazy is that it’s not a complete lust-after-boys-crazy thing, it’s just that i pretty much just want the company of boys because girls are dumb.

i read my notebook journal thing from ninth grade and it was pretty much all boy talk. i was asked out a lot by older nerdy boys but i didn’t date any of them. nerdy boys are good. i have changed a lot in the last three years.

i’m really stupid and this is the dumbest thing i’ve typed up in awhile. the end.

nin boy: i’m going to eat there next time ihave some cash
nin boy: i’ll make sure you’re working too
nin boy: and i’ll of course give you hell
me: i’ll hide
nin boy: you won’t have time
me: and make someone else wait on you
nin boy: i’m like a ninja

that is a nice conversation i just had. mostly i just think the whole ninja part is funny and i wanted to share. that is the only kid i really talk to from school.

tonight at work some of the chicken was burned on accident and we sold it anyway! we are such a hardcore kfc crew.

i really like listening to bis. it’s just not something i’d expect to like but i really really like it.

this morning my mom told me, “i slept naked last night because i was so hot!”

and i didn’t really care much so i said, “that’s nice.”

oh guess what, fanclub! i got a phone call from someone yesterday! but i wasn’t home and they didn’t leave a message. some girl from my old town (that’s what the caller id indicates, but it didn’t have a name on it)–i moved after fourth grade. i wonder who it was. it’s really bothering me because really, who the hell calls me.

and even if they did leave a message my mom wouldn’t have remembered the name because she’s HORRIBLE with names.

my mother is cute and hilarious. once she thought i was going to see barry manilow in concert.

today i got a phone call from some credit card company and the lady mentioned some card with benefits for college students and then asked me if i was going to college. and i said, “yes, but i dont want a credit card.” and then i hung up. i am friendly. kirk out.

it’s funny that since school has been out, i only talk to one person on a semi-regular basis. we talk on msn and and he’s just a kid i met in keyboarding class during my sophomore year of high school. it’s just funny that i keep in contact with him more than i do with my “friend” since sixth grade. and it’s by choice because, man, we could not really be more different. she messaged me the other night and the conversation died within a few replies–and it had been over a month since we last hung out/talked/anything.

life is funny and really really monotonous.

today my keychain with a scorpian inside of it broke. but it wasn’t an ordinary breaking of a keychain. it had to happen in a quiet jc penny while i was walking down a tiled aisle behind a middle aged couple. i was swinging my arm holding my keys and the little chain broke and the scorpian-in-plastic flung into the air. at least i didn’t hit the people in front of me but it was loud when it hit the floor. i chased after it, picked it up, and kept walking like nothing had happened.

tonight i watched slc punk and it made me cry. (how incredibly punk rock of me).

the movie ended up making me think a lot, which i didn’t really predict it would do until it was about halfway over. it was more than i expected. i can’t really explain what i thought of it because i cannot express myself clearly. as anyone who reads this regularly knows i am horrible with words. and anything else involving emotions.

today when i drove to sedalia, it would keep raining and then stopping. it’s insane when you’re driving down the highway and you can see that it’s raining really hard in one little area ahead of you, and then you drive through it and in 20 seconds it’s over. it rained some more but i kept my window down because my car has no air conditioning and man it was hot with the windows up. (i tell great stories)

i have really nice biceps, also.

and for the record, next summer should definitely involve a road trip. i need a new life experience. i am horribly inexperienced.

my favorite adjective = horrible

horriblenight.

i had a dream last night that i was with my nephew in some strange store. and he could see people that i could not see. and he could tell me if they were bad people or not.

also, i dreamt that i was braiding my hair into a lot of braids and then braiding them together. and i ended up ripping a big chunk of my hair out.

yeah, i have really deep dreams.

i wish i knew how to get to some out of town thrift shops without getting lost because today is a good thrift shop day.

kirk out!

i don’t work the next two days. i don’t know what i’m going to do with myself.

tomorrow i get my paycheck. perhaps i will go to the mall by myself and spend it on overpriced things. and then repeat for wednesday, but maybe i’ll drive an hour in the other direction to another overpriced shopping center.

i’m not completely idle, i mean there are things i can do. but i get bored so easily lately. it’s insane and silly.

mostly i just want the company of another person and can’t have it. so instead i spend my money on material things which hold my interest for about 6.2 seconds (sometimes even minutes).

today i was laying in my backyard reading a book and drinking ice tea and my mother came out to tell me i had a phone call. and i was all “whoa! yay!” (seriously) and then she said, “it’s your piano teacher.”

i am very popular.

i am terrible at talking on the phone, and i don’t even like it that much. but i would feel very happy to receive calls every once in awhile from someone just wanting to talk to ME.

IS IT JUST ME OR DO I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THE SAME THING IN THIS STUPID DIARYTHING.

goodnight.

tonight at work i was looking through the drive thru window and i saw a man in the parking lot with a mega mullet. so i called a few of my coworkers and we looked on in admiration.

i noticed that this mullet man was also going bald, so indeed, it was incredible and i decided that i should probably bring my camera to work everyday.

tonight this kid asked me if i wanted to go to a party for his birthday and i said, “no” because i’m trendy. also i know it will be a very drunken party and i am not hip to that groove. he was like, “i am never inviting you to a party again!” because he invited me to another one before and i refused to attend that one also. they are nice kids to work with usually but i do not wish to be with most of them at other times. i am nice.

some of my favorite songs to drive to are:

“i want you to want me” by cheap trick

“(i can’t get no) satisfaction” by the rolling stones

“iron man” by black sabbath (can i spell?)

and others. but those three songs are some of my most favorite ‘road trip’ songs. i am not sure why exactly. but when they come on the radio when i am driving i blast them very loudly and get happy.

the end.

i’ve been having a ton of dreams lately.

last night i dreamt that i was shopping for some new flip flops and some guy was following me around trying to impress me, because of course he wanted my hot body. and i was very impressed with him but i felt bad because i did not want his hot body back.

also i found a pair of flip flops i wanted, but a girl i do not like picked out the exact same pair so i decided not to get them.

dreams are neat.

i had a disturbing dream the other night that i was giving an infant a bath in our kitchen sink. and its head fell off. and i collapsed on the floor crying.

sometimes dreams are horrible things.

yesterday was not horrible, however. i went to kansas city and saw ben folds perform live. that was definitely superfantastic. he was a lot of fun, and talked a lot to the audience, and made a lot of jokes. maurine got sick but she was okay. heat + bad armpit smells = not good for the stomach.

i even briefly met an online friend yesterday, which was neat. i turned around and he was just kind of right there, it was odd because i was not expecting it. i dont remember what i said but most likely i acted idiotic because i am really a professional idiot. i have met five people from online. it’s insane. sometimes i think it’s kind of sad that that is my main mode of meeting people. i think they are usually disappointed with the lack of excitement that is meeting me. but that is nothing new.

i’m always kind of depressed after i have eventful days, because it’s usually quite awhile before i have another nice day. i know people complain all the time of not having friends, etc etc, blah blah. teenage crap. but it really sucks, because there’s a ton of things i’d like to do this summer but it really just feels incredibly impossible.

they are all little silly things but that doesn’t matter. big plans are nice sometimes but i’d like someone i can just hang out and watch tv/rented movies with or go to a park or drive around aimlessly with often. this is where i would insert a “sigh”.

it’s okay that i am repetitive and boring.

and really, being the quiet shy girl does NOT make people feel the need to get to know you. it just makes them think you’re ‘weird’ or ’stuck up’. i have experience in this area. that makes you hard, my ‘experience’.

every once in awhile there will be someone who actually feels the need to get to know me but usually they think i dont like them because of my shyness and they stop talking to me.

i am my own life obstacle.

yesterday i went to orientation at my college. it was nice. except for waking up at 4 in the morning. and leaving at 5. and then driving for three hours. i never realized that driving for that long would be so uncomfortable. because the longest i had driven at once before yesterday was only 1.5 hours.

so yeah, i drove for six hours altogether yesterday and it wore me out. on the other hand, it made my father feel the need to state that he was proud of me for driving. i don’t like driving with my parents. my mother complains that it is too windy, but too hot in my non-airconditioned car. my father is afraid that i am never going to stop at the stop signs and they both go incredibly insane when i go 80 mph on I-70.

i think i should make a summer trip to worlds of fun. because i have only been there once and it’s not very far away. most likely i will not though because i dont really know who i would take who likes to spend long hot days in the sun on rollercoasters.

anyway, at the orientation thing we split up into groups and asked questions to our “SOAR leader” and then did some other crap. nothing really incredibly fun. at lunch i was sitting by myself and a girl asked if i wanted to sit with her and her friends. so i said, “sure.” and i did. they mostly just talked to each other though. they seemed neat but they also apparently really like to get drunk. which is not appealing to me at all at this point. but, everyone seemed pretty friendly and i think college will be alright.

i got my schedule already and it’s nice. at first i was signed up for a speech class. but i switched it for a math class. i want to get my math credit done and over with because mathematics and me are not buds.

i even have a “the enjoyment of music” class.

i dont know how school is going to work out for me but i’m going to do my best to be optimistic.

tomorrow is the ben folds show. i am super excited about that.

the end.

i really like it when my father is in a bad mood. when people are in bad moods i say things like, “reeer” (which is a little rowr/angry cat type noise). they do not like this. my father said, “watch it.” when i did that just now. i dont know why he even bothers to get angry at me because there’s no way they can really punish me when i get on his nerves. because i have no life as it is. i will pretend that i planned it this way.

yesterday was fun and what i needed was a change in routine. maurine and i met at the mall and we hung out for awhile. there was this insane gum machine in the food court and we sat by it and she gave it mean looks because it kept talking. this kid started beating it a little and we were quietly cheering him on.

also, we saw eddie money and lynyrd skynyrd (and some other band but i keep forgetting their name). we weren’t really excited for the show; it was for her grandma (seriously). and i spent most of the time searching the crowd for people to take pictures of, and mullets. i got some great shots.

that is probably the most rewarding part of my summer so far.

wednesday is orientation at my school. i’m a little nervous though i have no reason to be. i am just pretty silly to tell you the truth. i’m so scared that college isn’t going to be that great–and i dont know what i’d do if that happened. seriously, it would all be worthless. because honestly i feel like i have done nothing with my life thus far, there has been zero excitement. how cliche of me. but that is what i feel. cliche feelings.

i keep typing “chile” instead of cliche. now that, my friends, is classic.

yesterday i bought a spongebob squarepants car air freshener. i really like it. you know it would be superfantastic to just sit and watch marathons of my favorite cartoons for six days straight. (okay maybe only two days).

i typed “marathongs”

today is a great typing day.

sorry i never really have anything worthwhile to say, but i always have something to say nonetheless.