when i come home my parents feel obligated to take me out to lunch on my dad’s lunch break and i feel obligated to take my twenty-seven year old sister out of her house and away from her kids to a movie my treat and no commas.

we are all trying to take care of each other and none of us are children.

his mom asked if we were considering marriage. what the heck! i can’t even imagine.

i’m only twenty! but i feel eight most of the time.

in other news: i had a dream the other night and someone in it said, “if only i could ejaculate happiness.” another, what the heck! i went ahead and wrote it down in my tiny notebook of things for poetry class. what is even more creepy is that it was a little girl that said it.

i just ate a 1/2 pound burger and feel quite accomplished. never will i be a vegetarian.

the phone rang at 8:21 this morning and it was my manager calling me in. i had to search for my car in the parking lot and could only recognize it by the license plate. then, when i got to work she had me wait for about 30 minutes to clock in. and i left after about 40.

that was when i bought the 1/2 pound burger. i don’t think i’ll ever eat a 1/2 pound burger again, but today i am CHAMPION.

A List For My Own Purposes:

the flaming lips album “yoshimi battles the pink robots” and mainly the song, “do you realize??”

“recycled air” by the postal service

“lovecats” by the cure

and doug martsch’s “now you know” album

the shins

“drive” by the cars. we made up a karaoke move (mirror hands) to it.

this is sick. (!!!) and there’s more.

last week we put pictures of hitler over the cartoon pictures of doctors on the “wash your hands!” signs in the bathrooms.

it was pretty funny, because there’s a sign saying, “wash your hands!” in nice cursive letters and then there’s hitler underneath.

the one in the women’s bathroom was down within half an hour and torn up in the trashcan. some people have no sense of humor.

you don’t have to talk to me every time you see me in the bathroom. especially when i’m brushing my teeth. my mouth is full. i don’t want to keep stopping so i can answer your questions about how long ago i got my hair cut. I’M BRUSHING MY TEETH.

my boyfriend brought me a big notorious b.i.g. poster to hang in my room. it is awesome and says, “we’ll always love you big poppa.” it is on my wall next to a bunch of pictures of chickens.

in other news: i put my two weeks notice in at hardee’s last sunday, but i can’t part with my love of the fast food industry. i’m staying with the job but only working like four hours a week. i’m bringing in the big bucks.

i had a dream that my mom gave me a looney tunes hot plate for christmas.

does anyone else think the commercial for the best of keith sweat is hilarious?

man, this semester’s going to be hard, and i only had three of my classes today. i’m really determined to get my gpa to at least a 3.0 or i’ll cry.

i think all my classes this semester are interactive, so i’m going to have to get used to going to class and not just sitting there to copy notes and get easy points just for showing up. i’ll put in the effort just so i don’t make an ass of myself. i think i chose to be an english major because it’s the only thing that i actually enjoy putting effort into, even when the final results usually aren’t that fantastic. i’m kind of nervous about the semester but i think it will be worthwhile.

in other news: it’s a good thing i love ramen noodles since i got a box of 36 for christmas (plus two cup ‘o’ noodles things).

also, i started reading a book yesterday and on the cover it says, “oprah’s book club”. that is kind of embarrassing. my boyfriend asked if it was dr. phil’s biography.

i was totally offended. i told him that it’s obviously dr. phil fan fiction.